Sunday Message
Dealing with Grief
John 16:16-22
Pastor Wes
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I always find it comforting when Jesus’ disciples didn’t understand something. I mean, they lived and walked with Jesus in the flesh, every day for 3 years, hearing His teaching over and over, hearing all the different inflections in His voice as He taught, eye witnessing amazing miracles, surely experiencing even more of Him than what we have written down in the gospels, and yet they still at times wrestled with questions and misunderstandings. And I would say that every moment of misunderstanding or confusion of the disciples that we have recorded, is a huge opportunity for us to learn and make sure that we avoid similar confusion.
Perhaps some of the most confusing times Christ followers experience are centered around grief. Grief as in deep sadness, disappointment, heartbreak- over the loss of a loved one, over unmet expectations, over life transitions. You might not yet realize it, but some of you are probably experiencing grief as a result of the changes our world has seen over the past several months. Perhaps you are wondering “what’s wrong with me, what’s wrong with my family, why am I stressed?”- and if that is you, some of what you are feeling is probably a result of grieving normalcy, grieving a former stability. And we each, somewhere along the way, will experience the loss of a loved one. I’m sure there are several here that are still wrestling with that type of grief. And I’m sure there are others grieving an expectation that wasn’t realized, or an unexpected life turn- whether it be concerning your job, finances, marriage, a family relationship, or health that didn’t work out like you anticipated.
We sometimes grieve that God didn’t do what we thought or expected Him to do. There are stories of Christians- even devout followers of Christ who served overseas as missionaries- who have walked away from their faith after experiencing a tragedy, or after reading God’s word expecting one result yet experiencing another. There might even be some here that are experiencing several of these grief causing experiences all at one time- all back to back.
To all those who have grieved, are currently grieving, and will grieve, I want to make the audacious statement, that I believe Jesus wants to take the very substance of your grief and turn it into joy. Take a look at John 16:22 with me…
Now many of us grew up singing “I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart to stay.” And I’m sure that you’ve heard it argued that no one can take joy away from a Christian, no matter what life brings- we as Christ followers have a source of joy within our being that we can hold onto through life, knowing that an eternity of reward and riches awaits us in Heaven. But, with that being said, I don’t want to diminish the reality that life on this earth, even for the believer, can still be very painful, and unjoyful at times. Here in this moment of John 16, the disciples, in the very presence of Jesus, realizing He is the Messiah, having just been promised the gift of the Holy Spirit- were wrestling with and grieving over the idea of Jesus leaving them to go to the Father. Back up to verse 16 with me, and let’s read the passage together. (John 16:16-22)
Let me remind you that the John chapters 13- 17 all take place in the same evening, the very evening that Jesus would be taken into Roman custody and the following day crucified. And as Pastor Dave mentioned last week, Jesus has really ramped up His efforts to warn and equip His followers for Him leaving. The disciples don’t understand, this isn’t what they had expected. Jesus had just been declared King days earlier. He was supposed to fix all these problems, and yet the problems were just about to get worse. It appears there’s a pause in this final sermon from Jesus, and perhaps some of the disciples are gathered together under this olive tree here on the Mount of Olives, while others are adjusting their sandal straps, maybe some were grabbing a snack- and this side conversation occurs: “What is Jesus talking about? When are these things going to happen? What does a little while mean?”
It’s interesting how often matters concerning time cause us anxiety and stress. Don’t we get worked up too, just like the disciples, over matters of time? When will this happen, when will I have ____, when will this get better, when will you do this Lord? There’re probably 30 other legitimate questions we could be asking, but rather we get worked up over time and having to wait. Here, you would think the disciples might be racking their brains over some earlier statements just made by Jesus, about the vine and the branches, or God doing whatever they asked in Jesus’ name, or the Holy Spirit Helper- but instead they are getting worked up over “when?”.
I enjoy asking people what God has been teaching them lately, and perhaps the classic answer most often replied is “Patience, God is teaching me patience.” What is it about matters of time that get us so worked up?
Whether we’re worked up over time and waiting, or over experiences of grief that I mentioned earlier, or over any other question/fear/doubt- I want you to take comfort in the fact that Jesus knows your thoughts, feelings, and the things you wrestle with. We can see from the wording, that this side conversation didn’t take place within earshot of Jesus, yet verse 19 tells us that He knew their questions. He knows your questions too! And He is big enough of a God to be able to handle your questions/fears/doubts/expressions of grief. Voice them to Him. Don’t settle just for discussions with other frail human minds, take your questions directly to Him and voice them openly and honestly to Him in prayer. The Psalmist David did this often. He himself even wrestled with time and the question of “when?”. Listen to His words in Psalm 13… (Psalm 13:1-2)
David had questions, and he voiced them openly and passionately before God. But even in times of questioning- times of grief, pain, anxiety- he would remind himself of God’s faithfulness, love, blessings, trustworthiness. He ends his Psalm, verse 5-6…
It’s like he knew these certain things to be true of God, yet that’s not what he was currently experiencing, and therefore was stressed about it, so he cries out to God pleading His case, and in the same breath that He says “God you’re forgetting me and hiding from me” he also declares, “but I trust in your love and I shall- (I will, maybe not yet, maybe not right now in this moment), I shall (I will as soon as I am able to), I shall (I will as soon as You bring about Your salvation), I shall (I will as I process this hardship), I shall (I know you’re going to rescue me, it’s just a matter of time), I shall (ok, even now I am going to make the choice to) REJOICE in Your salvation. We may not be experiencing what we want to now, but we know one day we will, so knowing that we will rejoice then at that time, that gives us reason to rejoice even now in the midst of grief, anxiety, questions- because we will! Stop grieving over the “when will I?” and start rejoicing over the “I will!” We will have joy, we will have peace, we will have wealth, we will have fulfillment, we will have rest.
In verse 20 Jesus says “Truly, truly…” (and we better perk up our ears anytime He says “truly, truly”- that’s His indicator of “I’m about to say something super important that you better not miss”) He says… (John 16:20)
Your grief will be turned into joy. It’s just a matter of time. For the disciples, was the “seeing Jesus after a little while and then rejoicing” referring to the time 3 days later as they found an empty tomb and he appeared suddenly amongst them later that night, alive and well? (John 20:19) John 20:20 says of this moment that “The disciples then rejoiced when they saw the Lord.” Was Jesus referring to the seeing and rejoicing they would do when Pentecost occurred in the book of Acts 2, and the Holy Spirit filled them, and they spoke in different languages, and 3,000 were added to their numbers that day? Was it the seeing and rejoicing they would do when they each passed from this earth and were met by Jesus with open arms at Heaven’s gates? Was Jesus referring to the seeing and rejoicing His future followers would do when He returns to earth at His 2nd Coming? Well, yes- I think all of the above.
The day of His return approaches. If it is in our lifetime we will see Him and rejoice, if we have accepted His forgiveness. If His return is not in our lifetime, then we will pass from this earth and will then see Him and rejoice, if we have accepted His forgiveness. And hopefully, along the way before that time comes, we as followers of Jesus will experience glimpses of Him and be able to rejoice. Whether we see Him or not, He is still present and working. If we have received Him into our lives, accepting His forgiveness, then we have access to His Spirit, and He promises us that He is with us always, (Matt. 28:20) even in our grief. Jesus gives us an illustration in verse 21…
With the birth of a child, the grief is the process through which the joy is realized. The same circumstance that produces grief here in this period of time, produces joy later, in that period of time. For the follower of Jesus, time is the only thing that stands between grief and joy. For the follower of Jesus, it is 100% certain that every experience that has brought grief to your life will, through the redemptive work of God in Christ Jesus, one day bring you joy that can never be taken away from you.
I want you now to think about your most recent, or most difficult grief experience you have walked through, or are currently walking through. Again, it could be any number of things- not just the loss of a loved one, but you could be processing grief through discouragement, unmet expectations, uncertainty of life, broken relationships, depression, feeling let down, confused, not understanding what God is doing. I want you to take a moment and think about that grief. Can you put your finger on it? In your mind, can you describe it- can you put it into words and finish the sentence of “I feel grief as a result of ________.”
Perhaps you are experiencing grief and you have never invited Jesus into your life and have yet to receive His forgiveness. Making that decision and receiving Him is your first and most important step in all of life, aside from managing grief. If you have not chosen to follow Jesus, and have yet to admit your need of Him as a fallen sinner, the bible clearly says that the grief you experience on this earth will be nothing in comparison to the grief, regret, torture that is to come through living disconnected from Him in the afterlife. Choose Him and receive Him even now, and then reach out and let us help you walk through that decision.
For those who have received Jesus and are following Him, I want you now to take that grief you have defined, and I want to encourage you to prayerfully describe and unpack that grief to Jesus right now. Realize that He already knows and sees what you have experienced, are experiencing, and even what you will experience- and He wants you to be able to come to Him and express to Him your hurt, questions, fears, grief. I want to encourage you to ask Jesus to help you focus on the day you will rejoice, on the day your grief will be turned into joy. Ask Him. Ask Him to change your focus from the “when will I?” over to the “I will!” Can you imagine what it might look like? I know that we can’t really see what it will be like, but can you attempt to imagine your day of joy? That day of joy here on earth when God in His timing works it out? Or that day of joy in Heaven that will be a joy like we’ve never even experienced here on earth, and that feeling will last forever? Can you picture it?
I want to encourage you- no matter what you have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience- keep at the forefront of your mind the joy that is in store for those in Christ Jesus.